I have limits now
I put Scary Movie ghost face as profile pic on my Facebook profile because I am ghosting Meta for awhile. Meta seems to be where the past needs to be seen. I would like to be future focused on building and creating value in my life. Ghost Face is fun comedy, touches on my haunting hopes after death, a birthday gift, plus if life cannot be fun then what is the point?
I have always been the go for it type and a nervous breakdown made me realize I am not as strong as I once was or it is catching up with me. I was misdiagnosed bipolar due to CPTSD sharing the same traits. A family doctor evaluated me and agreed no sign of bipolar. One day my brain quit working and my husband and children supported me and kept me safe. I thought I was strong but not as strong as I thought. I try to be old strong Cheryl and I have to remind myself of my limits.
I applied for a job when returning to Washington and closing the business for 911. I was offered an interview but my previous nervous breakdown made me concerned something could trigger me back into a nervous breakdown so I turned it down. I have allot of respect for first responders because the stress. I did get a job at a truck stop but due to CPTSD and the environment triggers I quit.
I had intense chest and left arm pain and called paramedics who put me on the machine and it said it wasn’t heart related. My doctor did the same thing and diagnosed extreme anxiety disorder. I tried the medication but I didn’t like being sleepy so I quit using it. Sometimes my subconscious mind goes into an anxiety attack catching me off guard. I started using cannabis for CPTSD Anxiety and became functional.
There are many strains of Cannabis. Some make me hungry and some make me not want to eat. Some make me sleepy, relaxed but functional and some I am full of energy and giggles. I use one that relaxes me while I can still get work done.
I am unable to anymore interact with everyone. I spent years dealing with gang stalking, mentally unstable people and difficult situations. I am not unkind. I am no longer available to everyone. I am more focused on what adds value to my life. I never found value in the belief system as I have in the creative world that I enjoy. I value my strength while knowing my limits. I don’t like the energy of making others walk on eggshells, weak treatment or anything like that. I know my limits to leave kindly or purposefully. I am still my strong self, I just have to consider my energy and abilities. That is my responsibility I value.