Advice to Teenage Self

I did not grow up in a healthy family. My family resisted therapy even making me homeless disowned at 17 due to a lie I knew nothing about for years. Looking back my advice would be to stay away from them totally after the disownment. At that time there were no charities and the legal system refused to help. I was stuck and became self destructive trying to figure out how to repair my life. I could’ve died and no one would’ve known or cared. No one cared about me at all.

My parents refused therapy until their favorite child who was a liar ran away. I was the black sheep who was unwanted. They ended up finding recovery after their favorite child left even tho medication was refused. I was usually the scapegoat and rescuer.

Had I’d kept walking at 17 I probably could’ve eventually fixed my own life and not burdened myself with everyone else’s garbage. I might not have settled for less in people. I couldn’t go into the military because I was raised military was to be avoided. Had nothing good to say about it despite telling people he was a veteran. Telling people what he taught me would get me into trouble so I learned to shut up or find consequences. I honestly didn’t understand things and I still don’t fully.

No charities would help and I was told if I didn’t graduate I would be worthless by my dad and I really wanted his approval. He didn’t like I was too domineering and that was something I wasn’t going to change. He believed if a woman opened her mouth she deserved a mans fist in it and I had a problem with that. When I told my school I was homeless they told me to keep it to myself or I wouldn’t graduate. Homeless, working over full time (the job broke the minor law on hours and I appreciated it to be honest) while going to school full time I did graduate.

It bothered me being rejected but looking back I rejected myself instead of looking for opportunity. I was ignorant and naive at the time. Very athletic working out constantly. I used working out as a way to direct energy into productive way instead of punching things. I used punching things until my fist was bleeding as self harm. There was no internet at the time so opportunity was more difficult to find unlike now so it was easier to give up.

My advice would be know when to give fully up on people, be quicker to tell people to fuck off, don’t settle for toxic people, read more books, take more classes and always put yourself first, family second and friends third. Create a beautiful life by learning skills. Things can be replaced. Some things are priceless and you will understand that later. Be patient because life changes and the effort you thought was vain could come in handy. Stay kind but know your limits.