Chubby

I am spending allot of time reading lately. Right now I am reading books by The Church Of Satan because I want to be a member.

When I share the fetishes on my profiles, it isn’t to kink shame unless that is your kink ( I believe in consent and not being a jerk). It is to see who else is interested in the fetish. Kinks are good if done with consent and not harming another. I appreciate all my fans and want to celebrate you, not shame you.

I wanted to touch on body image since I have been pondering, no excuses factor. I do believe charisma outweighs body image. I do not make excuses for my body being obese and do not belong to the body positive movement. I have been challenged by trying to create my body in an image I enjoy. Allot of factors play into obesity and many turn to laziness as a shame factor. For me it has been a fight with hormones that played a part. GenX in our milk growing up had rBST which lead to early puberty. I had hormone issues from an early age. The doctor tried birth control pills to fix it but nothing worked. I had migraines, periods all over the place and everything.

Fast forward, I was given without my knowledge Herpes and HPV. People have been saying Rape, Cheating, etc. is harmless but the truth is it can be deadly due to venereal diseases.

I was given herpes without my knowledge. Herpes makes an open door for aids/HIV virus. I did test negative for HIV/ AIDs and so did my partners. When I was pregnant and the birth was getting close I had routine pap-smears with the agreement if the herpes virus was present I would have a C-section to prevent blindness in my offspring. I didn’t have a live outbreak and was able to deliver both of my children vaginally and their eyes are better than mine.

HPV made me a hairline away from cervical cancer. My now husband wasn’t given either viruses. He has always tested clean due to us using condoms if there was an issue. I knew a previous husband cheated on me and gave me the virus so my now husband and I would use condoms to protect him from it. I told my now husband about it when he asked me to be his girl friend and he did research before choosing a relationship with me to decide if the risk was what he was willing to have in his life. I was willing to let him go if not. I had already made an agreement with myself to live life on my terms and absolutely alone if I had to as a single parent (I was previously widowed).

Fast Forward. After having my second child I started having hot flashes, post birth depression and couldn’t lose the weight. I chose to herbs and diet. I even tried to get a job but it was a toxic workplace so I immediately quit the job. I had a gut feeling the outcome of treating my health would be drastic so I wanted to see what I could do first. When I tried everything I decided to go to a doctor and learned I was a hairline from cervical cancer caused by HPV.  Treatment was an office visit shaving the effected part off which could lead to a later miscarriage.

(Interesting at that time a rumor started I was cheating on my partner. I was facing a possible cancer diagnosis, plus I had horrible bleeding which I talk about in the next paragraph, but someone was accusing me of cheating on my now husband. Even my social media was showing red flags. I had previous Private Investigation training so trying to find the root of the rumor I let it play out and the gossiper exposed himself when he was proud of himself. At that time my husband and I were helping him and from what I was told he was doing that to everyone who would help him. He needed a therapist. The truth was obvious to my present husband I was not cheating. My bleeding and clots being a factor plus my tears he helped me through.)

I had fibroids that were so bad my quality of life was affected by clots and horrible bleeding. The doctor was suspicious on Uterine cancer and I chose a hysterectomy to get rid of my uterus and cervix which cuts out any further risk of cervical cancer. I went to a hormone doctor and my hormones were out of balance and getting them balanced I started losing weight again.

I stopped hormone therapy due to politics and money savings to be honest. At the time there was an estrogen shortage and I was also giving up our business where it was a tax write off. (I was so tired of being on the road with new responsibility we had to attend to. No parking and we were getting exhausted.) We had to pay out of pocket for the doctor and medicine so the business paid for it as a tax write off. My cholesterol was also going up due to testosterone (women have natural testosterone). I decided to go the natural path again. Menopause was delayed due to hormone therapy which lengthened my life but I decided it is time to age somewhat naturally or fight against it with diet and lifestyle. (Adult content has been a huge help.)

I am working with extra skin now and part of my obesity is muscle gain. I prefer muscle to skinny fat. There are chubby chasers and not everyone prefers skinny. My body is my challenge. I will not get my youth back but I do have fight in me.

If you are bothered by big frame people you have a neck to mind your business. I prefer good spirit over good looks. Hail Satan.